Monday weigh in 151.2 pounds. Just can’t seem to hit that 150 mark… soon. I feel confident about this new workout program, Slim in Six, can bring me to that last step to where I want to be. It should help to tone my body and through the process, I will shed those last few pesky pounds. I have felt pretty awesome these last few days, wearing my pretty embroidered cashmere and silk spring clothes. I could have been wearing them sooner, even when I was in Georgia in February, but I was scared. I didn’t want to try on these clothes and have them not fit, my self esteem would have taken a big hit.

But after two weeks of staring at these two totes sitting unceremoniously in my living room exploding with pastels and florals, silk and linen, I could not resist any longer. And they fit!!! They fit well, but differently than when they last fit, in 2007. My stomach was flat as a board back then…but apparently my butt has shrunk in the meantime. I’m still working on getting back my flat stomach. The way I see it, I may come out of this having a nicer, more toned, fit and proportioned body than I had even in high school!

I like the idea of the video workouts because I have been working so much, so often, and such crazy hours lately, the gym is rarely even an option. Now that spring is here, it is easier to get up to work out and my sun dappled living room is the only place that I want to be at 7 in the morning. School is almost out, so I won’t be working as much then…I have a few job prospects on the line, but I hate to get my hopes up.

I was told last night that I’m “selling myself short” whatever that actually means, but I understood the gist. It seems by saying this, I am being blamed for my lack of career, rather than blaming the economy. I have tried everything reasonable and some things that are just a little bit crazy, to get my career jump started. It hasn’t worked. I haven’t given up, I just stopped mentally berating myself as a failure because it really isn’t all my fault. The reason I bring this up is because I asked myself, as a woman living in the United States, what do I have? I have United States citizenship, which many think is a privilege, I am educated, I have a job with a low ceiling, which has no room for growth and little respect, and I am considered pretty by some. I was born a citizen, I worked tirelessly to get an education, but I can’t make a good job offer (or any) appear. I do have control over my looks, and that is probably the best thing that I have going for me right now. It is becoming more imperative to me that I get in shape. Most of my jobs in the past I have been hired based at least partly on my looks. I thought with an education that I could just use my brain, but it hasn’t been working out, and I realize now that it probably wasn’t a realistic expectation in the first place.

I guess what I am trying to articulate is that I am starting to think that getting into shape and looking really good is probably my best path to success at this point. I know that this theory seems strange, I tell high school girls in my classes everyday that it is their brain that matters, not their looks…But in reflecting on my past successes, my looks got me in the door and and my brains kept me there. I will keep applying to jobs and trying. I brainstorm every week trying to be creative and find new ways to get on a path to success…This is one of my many ideas, so even if it doesn’t work as planned, I certainly don’t mind being considered desirable and attractive by others, and of course, feeling good about myself.