My family parties are like a field of fat land mines, just waiting to blow up your diet. My mom’s side of the family is especially lacking in health consciousness. It shows in their appearance as well as their attitudes towards health and fitness. They often talk about health and fitness, but their plans basically lead to worse habits and definitely do not lead to weight loss. My mom used to be just like them, but over the years has realized that their ideas of healthy eating are out of whack with the surgeon general and any other expert on health care.
Today we had a holiday party for Memorial Day weekend, and about half of the food was something that had to be avoided. My aunt made salad with romaine lettuce, diced red and yellow peppers and cherry tomatoes…sounds great right? Well, she brought ranch and French dressing, so I decided that I couldn’t have any unless I could find a lower fat/calorie dressing, or perhaps just add some olive oil and vinegar. I managed to dig out some red wine vinaigrette from the depths of my mom’s fridge, but they were mad at me for not wanting to eat it covered in ranch! There were also beans (loaded with beef that my grandma decided to stop draining the grease off of years ago), multiple cakes and a pasta salad. The main course was burgers and hot dogs which is a typical meal at a cookout. I enjoyed a hot dog and some pasta salad with a bowl of salad topped with red wine vinaigrette. I skipped the desserts and beans loaded with beef. I noticed that some of my family went back, not just for seconds but for thirds on their food! I am one of the youngest in my family, and seeing my eldest relatives needing all of these medical procedures, drugs and surgeries just to maintain their unhealthy way of life does not make me want to be just like them.
But please don’t misunderstand my intentions here. I am not trying to mean, or put them down, but I am commenting on their way of life. They have always encouraged my mom and anyone around them to be unhealthy through their actions. We have alcohol, drug, food and sexual abuse problems all throughout this family. If you are eating, before you have even finished, they will pressure you to get more food. If you refuse they will pout and be angry or offended. If you do not like their type of food (as was the case for me today) they will also be offended. Never mind that I am lactose intolerant and do not eat dairy…They do not see that there is another way to be, I suppose. I am sorry that I can not help them more, but they do not want to change, and the best I can do is to learn from their mistakes and try not to make the same ones. They have their good points too; they are all very loving and caring and make everyone feel part of the family. I am sad that I can not help them to change, to enhance their quality of life and live longer than their current expectancy but I do try to take advantage of the time I have left with them. Most of this family has passed away due to natural causes at young ages, so there is little legacy left to share.
My mom was on the same path for a few years, but I think she has finally stepped back to see the big picture, and has been making small changes that can change her life in a big way. Case in point, she was not one of the people who went back for seconds and thirds. She wants to see her grandchildren grow up, and as my brother and I have pointed out, it will be a while before we have children. I have faith in my mom, that she can persevere and shed years of bad habits for better ones…and she knows that I am here to help her as she has always been there for me.
Wow! You have really hit on the source of frustration for a lot of people pursuing healthy living: having to go at it alone.
You are wondering… “I get it, so why don’t they?!” Pretty irritating, huh? You have done a great job detailing the emotions of this experience, your account is humorous and rings true.
Wouldn’t it be so much EASIER if we could go to family dinners and see a beautiful array of lean protein (like a sushi bar!), whole grains, and fresh fruits and vegetables? If olive oil and vinegar were the default salad dressings? If drinks were sparkling mineral water and juiced fruits?
If dessert was a piece of dark chocolate wrapped in a positive affirmation?
This CAN be a reality, In It to Lose It. I can tell you love your family very much, and your frustration comes from wanting what’s best for them. You have come through this experience for a reason; but remember it is also an experience others in your family have not had.
One of the best ways to teach others is with examples. Use the growth you have made and the healthy life you live to lead by example for your family.
You must have gotten some compliments about your weight loss, your vibrant beauty, and your positive outlook. Don’t think no one is noticing it. Don’t think no one is curious about it. Just show them how easy it is for them to achieve it too. How can you do this? Give them a loving example.
Here is my suggestion, take from it what you can: use your talents as a gourmet chef to host a dinner party of your own for the women in your family (the men may need to be more gradually introduced, and having the women on your side will facilitate that much easier).
Now, make it one of YOUR dinner parties; you don’t need to tell your relatives what’s on the menu, just keep the focus on the celebration and the fun. Don’t let them bring anything but their party hats; you’re taking care of the rest.
Here is where you drive it home. Go all out. Do what you know how to do best. Add a touch of glamor to your table setting (think little watermelon balls served in a red wine goblet – now it’s as fun as it is healthy). Laugh off any snide remarks about “health food”. Show them all the fallacies of that stereotype when your food does the talking.
Show them how FUN healing can be. See how everyone’s energy radiates when they are putting nourishing foods into their system. Talk about subjects as uplifting as the foods. Send them home with a special recipe on an index card.
Now you are setting a new precedent and a positive one. Don’t expect huge changes in your family overnight; but strive to always be that example of what happens when you love your body, your self, and your family. You will be AMAZED what comes back to you, so much that someday you’ll forget all about this post.
Keep going, In It to Lose It. I am overwhelmed and humbled at your progress, and feel so glad to be a (small) part of it. Your blog posts continue to inspire me and others who are on this journey too. You are fantastic!